Radical Recovery: a haiku

i ordered pizza
for the first time in a year
and i ate it all

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putting down the rope

I want to elaborate on the title of this blog, because I obviously chose it for a reason. So, I want you to picture a room. In one corner, there is a rope. In the opposite corner, there lies your passion, creativity, career, hobbies, relationships, etc. You can’t get to the opposite corner because you are always busy tugging on that rope, in a constant tug-of-war with whatever holds you down and tells you you’re not good enough. And when you’re busy yanking on that rope, you don’t have the freedom to do what you want because you’re so hung up on what others want, or how you might be perceived. Well, I have a lot I want to say, and I’m tired of fearing judgment. My arms are getting tired.

I am a queer woman who has more than one passion; speaks more than one language; has a diagnosed anxiety disorder and depression; is recovering from an eating disorder; has a chronic illness; is a daughter, sister, cousin, niece, friend; yearns to travel; loves to roller skate; doesn’t regret the past. I am so many stories held together with skin, muscle, and bone. Much like you.

In the past I’ve often felt alone in my stories- I write to connect with others. To you. Human connection is the most important thing on Planet Earth, and I want more of it. I want others to not feel alone, as I did. I want others to find something in my stories they can relate to. I want you to put down your rope and live your life pursuing your passions. All of that can start with some words on a page.

I will be honest on this blog. I will share the successes and the challenges of my life. It won’t always be pretty, but life isn’t always peaches and roses. I value ending the stigma surrounding mental health, so that is the approach I will take here. Most importantly, I strive to make this blog unabashedly, and unapologetically me. I have fought social anxiety and perfectionism for a long time; I constantly worry about judgment from others, or how I can put others’ happiness before my own. It’s time I put down the rope, end the tug-of-war, and write for me.

 

 

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