DISCLAIMER: This post is not about Pokemon Go. Sorry to disappoint.

A couple weeks ago I accepted my first survival job as a full-fledged adult. I am living in Los Angeles to those unaware or living under a rock, and needed to find a way to pay my bills. I was hired as a hostess in an upscale restaurant in Century City. It’s a decent job, and I like all of my coworkers. However, something struck me as odd before I even began my first day of training, and has now devolved into something that is constantly on my mind. So, of course, I decided to write about it.

Under the section titled “Attire” in my employee handbook was a sentence that caught me off guard. It stated that all women MUST wear mascara and lipstick while serving guests. Additionally, I have to wear a dress as my required uniform. If I fail to comply with this attire, I will be terminated.

Growing up, I’ve prided myself on the fact that I never felt the need or desire to wear much makeup every day. I never cared what other people did, but I just didn’t feel like it was necessary. That isn’t to say that I never wear makeup; there are days when I want to wear something simple, but for the most part I just throw on some chapstick and call it a day.

That’s why it threw me when I read that it is required of me to wear makeup for my job. I mentioned it to my roommate after I had stared at my computer screen blankly for a few minutes after initially reading the handbook…she replied that when she’s at work at Starbucks, if she’s not wearing makeup or looks a little tired, management will move her to making drinks rather than working the cash register simply so she is further out of view of the customers. This floored me. It made me reevaluate if I was hired for my skills alone or if beauty was an additional factor.

This type of “professionalism” that is expected of women isn’t limited to the workplace but to society in general. We have grown up in a world where women are supposed to wear makeup and dresses/skirts/heels and men wear pants. So often women are considered “less beautiful” if their face is clean and bare or if their hair is short instead of long. Women are seen and judged based on their physical appearance way more than they should. In most rape cases involving women there’s at least one comment about how she was dressed.

Of course, I always want to look professional, but why does makeup and gendered clothing have to factor into that equation? I would feel so much more confident if I could wear pants and no makeup. And I know some of you will be thinking “so what, it’s just a little bit of mascara and some lipstick?” but it’s not something that makes me feel comfortable in my own skin.

A lyric keeps jumping out at me from the Tony Award-winning Broadway production of Fun Home. (For those unfamiliar with the story, you can find a summary here.) Small Allison is getting dressed for a party where her father requires her to wear a party dress. She sings, “I despise this dress / What’s the matter with boy shirts and pants? / This dress makes me feel like a clown, I hate it!” Her father then tells her that people will judge her for wearing pants, so she reluctantly leaves the dress on.

All of this made me take a good long look at the world we live in today. I distinctly remember a phase of my life where I felt the need to have makeup on every time I left the house. I felt ugly without it; that I would be judged or less popular if I didn’t learn how to contour my face or define my eyes with black eyeliner. But as I got older I started to realize that I wasn’t wearing that makeup for me, I was wearing it for everyone else. It took me a while, but slowly I began to leave the house with less and less product on my face. Shockingly enough (not), my confidence began to grow significantly as I decided what appearance made me feel the best.

As I was writing this, I noticed a friend on Facebook post about how she grew up thinking being blonde was her only asset physically. Then as I kept scrolling through my feed I noticed a post from Kathryn Gallagher (if you don’t know who she is, look her up, she’s a gem) discussing body image and how she was bullied for not being thin. You can read that article here. And I keep coming back to my roommate telling me about Starbucks.

Additionally, this past week our boss’s boss paid a visit to the restaurant. He was there to make sure that everything was running smoothly and to make sure that we are doing everything we can to boost revenue (basically, he just wants to put butts in seats to make more money…which is fair). However, during his visit MY appearance started to evolve. He wanted to make sure all greeters/servers looked “date ready,” so pretty soon I was wearing more lipstick, and am now required to wear jewelry and put product in my hair for all of my shifts.

All this to say, I think society as a whole needs to take a serious look at how we define beauty and gender in this country and beyond. I want to wear makeup because I want to, not because customers will be more enticed by me and the services my employer offers if I adhere to society’s standards of what beauty is. If I ever have children, I want them to grow up in a world where they can wear whatever the hell they please and be considered beautiful no matter what clothes or products they have on. These gender roles we have today are archaic…let’s try to remember that it’s 2016. Let me wear pants and keep my face naked.

Shoutout to my Technicolor Tree Tribe family for giving me the courage to write this out and share it publicly.

“We live through times when hate and fear seem stronger. We rise and fall, and light from dying embers, remembrances that hope and love last longer” -Lin-Manuel Miranda

I’ve been sitting on all of this Orlando stuff for a while, unsure of how to make coherent sense of it all. The night of the shooting, pretty much at the exact same time, I was in West Hollywood at a gay bar with some friends. We were enjoying LA Pride with hundreds, if not thousands, of LGBTQ+ individuals and allies. We passed by countless people all dressed in rainbow colors; most of them didn’t care what they looked like as long as they were having a great time. There were dozens of carts lining the sidewalk selling hotdogs to those who were hungry and drunk. There was a lot of sensory information I still remember very distinctly; the lights and colors flashing, car horns honking, the smell “street meat” as a friend called it, and of booze as people brushed past us, people giggling and snapping selfies with their friends as they strutted down Santa Monica Boulevard, past the waving rainbow flags mounted on every business’ awning. I had never experienced anything like it. So many LGBTQ+ people in one place, being who they were without suppression.

As a pansexual woman, I have been fortunate enough to have faced very minimal discrimination because of my sexuality in my past, as compared to others. Of course I’ve had men tell me how hot it is that I “swing both ways,” and have had Christians tell me I’m going to hell. But I’ve never been physically hurt because of who I love. I’ve never considered suicide or harmed myself in any way because of who I love. I am lucky.

That night I was walking the streets without thinking about my sexuality. You might be surprised to hear that, seeing as though it was Pride. But I was among humans who believe in the equality of love, gender, and sexuality. We were all just there celebrating love together, regardless of what society has labeled us. When I woke up the next morning, the first piece of information my brain received was the news of the Orlando shooting. My first thought was “that could’ve been me.”

There were people in a club, celebrating love just as I was, who were targeted for their sexuality. Right now, I don’t care who targeted them. What matters to me is that someone took a gun and thought it was acceptable to walk into a place where people go to be themselves and attacked them because of it.

It’s terrifying to believe that I could go out for a good time with some friends and get shot just because of who I am and who I love.

But something that I find so incredibly powerful, stronger than the hate of the act of terror itself, is the love I’ve seen since the news was released. I was too young when 9/11 hit to really understand how it affected our country at that time. But now, it’s remarkable to me to see how many people are standing with us, members of the LGBTQ+ community, to show us how much they love us for who we are. This is what I keep coming back to, every time I see a story in the news about Orlando or a post about gun control, I turn to the posts/photos/statuses/messages of love.

The Tony’s were emotional for me this year. I cried more than I usually do (which is saying something, because the Tony’s always make me cry). There was some exceptional theatre in this year’s Broadway season (shoutout to Spring Awakening, of course), but there was SO MUCH love pouring out of that award ceremony. Every performance was full of passion and love for the craft, the speeches were touching, and you could sense the strength of community in and around the Beacon Theatre. In the hours before the Tony’s began I was so conflicted; part of me felt broken. My identity felt cracked around the edges. But the moment James Corden stepped onto that stage, I started feeling a bit better. Theatre is powerful like that. At least it is for me. I’ve spent a lot of time and energy focusing on how those performances and speeches made me feel. It doesn’t completely erase the pain, but it helps significantly.

So everyone reading this, I encourage you to find YOUR Tony Awards. We can’t all be theatre nerds, like me. But find something that gives you a glimpse of the passion, humanity, and love in the world. And, above all, don’t keep quiet. Talk to your friends, to your family. Air out your feelings, let them dry on the breeze of community, friendship, and love. If you don’t think you have anyone you can talk to, please message me. I don’t have many answers, but I do have the ability to listen and to show you what love means to me.

We will survive this. Because love is always stronger than hate.

“I’ll walk now with them. I’ll call on their names,
And I’ll see their thoughts are known.
Not gone-
Not gone-
They walk with my heart- and I’ll never let them go.”

I figured, it started with a blog post…it should end with one, too. (Plus I just have too much to say…who is surprised.)

Nearly 15 months ago I was given the chance of a lifetime; the Dean of the College of Visual and Performing Arts at JMU saw a passion ignited in me and paid for my trip to go see Spring Awakening at Deaf West in LA. I reached out to DJ Kurs, the artistic director of Deaf West, and he told me I could interview the cast about their experience so that I might bring back ideas and methods of inclusion to my own campus/theatre department. (You can find those interviews here.) I knew the trip would impact me, but I never imagined how much it actually did. It ended up changing the entire direction my life was going, and I will never be more grateful for that.

I happened to arrive in LA on closing weekend of SA at ICA; at that point, that was actually going to be their closing. They hadn’t yet heard about moving to Beverly Hills, and they definitely had no idea that Broadway would soon be their destination. I was welcomed into their closing night celebration where we went bowling and drinking on Hollywood Boulevard. I saw the emotional toll closing night took on the whole cast/crew…they performed together for 3 months and yet I have never seen a closer cast. They were a family. It was pretty incredible to be invited into their world for what they thought, at the time, to be the end of a journey.

As we all know, that night was definitely not the end. Tonight is their last performance on Broadway, and yet I have a hard time calling it the end of their journey. Honestly, I believe it is only the beginning. This production has touched so many people, and changed the face of Broadway with its diversity and accessibility. This cast/crew/team have started a movement, and I don’t think tonight is any kind of ending to that movement. It is just the opposite.

It’s strange that at this very moment Spring Awakening is happening on the Brooks Atkinson stage for the last time. I feel privileged to have gotten to see it twice on that very stage…both times I was overwhelmed with inspiration, sadness, joy, pride, and profound love. This show helped me through my senior year of high school, when I was the new kid and was still figuring out how to navigate the waters of school, sexuality, friendship, family, and identity. I would listen to “Totally Fucked” or “Blue Wind” and nothing seemed quite so bad. When I got accepted to JMU it seemed to be a sign that the mainstage musical during my freshman year was Spring Awakening. It was continuing to help me through such a pivotal and formative time in my life. And now, my senior year of college, it seems only fitting that the Deaf West revival, the production that helped me figure out my purpose and passion in life, is closing. It’s almost as if it’s telling me, “Ok, Kelsey. We got you this far, now it’s time to try it out on your own.” Thanks to this show, this production, and these people, I feel ready.

I spent a good hour typing up a little message to every friend/cast member but then removed it after it got too long [and sappy]. However, please know that every single member of this company (from ICA to Broadway) has touched my life (and thousands of other lives, as well).

There is one person specifically who I couldn’t bear not thanking. Ironically, it’s one of the few people who will likely never see this post. Michael Arden, thank you so much for your bravery, your creativity, your ambition, and your overwhelming talent. Thank you for teaching your cast about overcoming fear so they may spread that message to others. Thank you for the lives you have changed, and the passion you have inspired in others. Thank you for telling such an important story. I can only dream of being half as talented, creative, and dedicated as you. Thank you for the Spring, and the purple summer.

In about fifteen minutes the cast will take their final bows. Not only will the audience applaud, but every fan who couldn’t be there tonight will be applauding as well. Thank you for inviting us on this journey with you. You won’t stray from our hearts.

It’s been a while since I’ve written anything here! I had a busy summer, and while I was working I didn’t get online too much, believe it or not. I spent my summer working in the National Science Foundation’s Research Experience for Undergraduates (REU) internship. I know what you’re thinking and no, I did not do any science. But I did interpret it! The program was built for students who want to spend their summer doing practical chemistry research, and applications are extended to both hearing and deaf students. Because the program is inclusive in nature, they also hire two student interpreters who want to spend their summer getting hands-on experience interpreting (literally). I was hired for the second time as a student interpreter for REU 2015.

Every student has an advisor for the summer, including the interpreting students, and everyone spends ten weeks doing research. The interpreting students don’t get off easy; the chemistry kids are doing their research in lab while we conduct our own research based in American Sign Language (ASL), typically linguistics in particular. This summer our research was rooted in the reception and practice of fingerspelling, and we used the chemistry students (who were not familiar with ASL at the beginning of the summer) as our subjects.

But the research isn’t what makes this internship so ideal, it’s the practical experience. Not only are we working in the labs 9-5 every day observing interpreters, or working on supplemental activities elsewhere, everyone in the REU lives together in one dorm, deaf and hearing alike. So, the student interpreters facilitate communication in the dorm as well. It is an incredible learning experience, and all of the Deaf (and hearing) students were incredibly patient; we are just students, after all! It is complete immersion and it truly is the best way to learn, I had so much fun. I still have a lot to learn, but I always love opportunities to improve and work on my sign skills, especially with all of the people that became my family this summer.

Now that the summer is ending I am getting myself ready to start school. I am currently visiting Nashville and acclimating to the idea of calling this my new home! As I type this I am currently sitting on the floor of my very empty bedroom; none of our furniture has been moved from our house in Chesapeake to our new house out here yet. Still, it’s an exciting adventure for my family that I will have to witness from afar as I finish up my senior year at JMU!

It is almost time to for my 21^st birthday and I couldn’t be more excited! Not because I will get to drink legally since my health doesn’t allow it (I joked with my dad about getting a rental car in California to celebrate my birthday instead of going out for a drink), but because on my birthday weekend I am headed up to New York to see Spring Awakening on Broadway!! I would be shocked if most of you reading didn’t know this already…I could act as the one-woman sales rep for this production what with all of the promoting I’ve been doing on social media. I swear it’s for good reason, not just to annoy everyone.

It’s pretty remarkable that this show is on Broadway; it is opening so many doors for anyone that has been told they can’t do something because of who they are. This isn’t just making history for the Deaf and theatre communities, but for anyone who has ever been called “different” in a negative context. It’s also changing the face of Broadway and the idea of accessibility not only on the Great White Way, but in theaters across the country. I feel indescribably proud knowing how big of an impact this show will have on this country, and I’m not even involved in the show!

In past semesters, particularly last spring, I was feeling pretty discouraged about my education. I thought I was paying $20,000 a year for a school that wasn’t giving me exactly what I needed. After a major shift in perspective, I realized that I won’t ever get an education that is 100% perfect and suited for me. I want to go into something incredibly specialized, and who knows if I will even end up exactly where I envision myself. However, I have learned to make the best of my education in this final year as an undergraduate. I will be doing an independent study this semester focusing on adapting plays/musicals for a Deaf theatre (similar to what Deaf West did with Spring Awakening). I will be reading 10-12 plays throughout the semester and studying adaptation methods and practices in order to apply them to each script I read. The goal is that I end up with 2 plays to carry over into my senior thesis and pick one of them to adapt. If you are interested in the work I will be doing, keep your eye out on my blog. Part of my syllabus includes assignments that are simply to post my progress right here, so stay tuned!

This independent study was largely inspired by Spring Awakening…I know people get sick of me talking about the show, but it has taught me so much since I saw it in November. It taught me to dream big, that this kind of thing is possible, that there is a lot still to learn, that I might be the odd duck among my peers and that’s ok, that I have a crazy amount of passion and drive with more still to uncover, and to pursue that passion with reckless abandon. I owe a lot to that production, to the friends I made who are in the production, and to the people who funded my trip (Dean Sparks is the man!). In the past few months I really wanted to work on Spring Awakening; I was willing to leave school and do anything for the show…hell, I would’ve been the guy who sweeps up at the end of the night just to be in the same space as these artists. I may not be working on the show, but now I have hope that it’s possible to do something similar someday because of this transfer to Broadway. And, more importantly, I have the motivation and excitement to finish school strong. Even if it isn’t 100% perfect, it’s pretty damn close.

I did want to conclude this post with a note about the shooting that took place the other day in Roanoke, killing two innocent journalists. I have grown up with a journalist as a father, constantly hearing stories about the business and watching the news every night at dinner. I have friends who are anchors, reporters, meteorologists, producers, editors, etc., so this shooting hit a little closer to home (not to mention one of the victims was a JMU alum). It hurts my heart to know that these two journalists were out doing what they do every single day, focused on being a vehicle for the people to provide honest, uncovered news, and they were shot and killed when they were the most vulnerable and unsuspecting.
It is important to remember what we know of these two people, Alison and Adam; that they were good at their jobs, that they both were in love, they had families, they dedicated themselves to do good work. Let us remember that the man who killed them was not in a normal state of mind, that when he claims Alison “made racist comments,” that this statement is coming from someone who thought it was ok to shoot two people and film himself doing it. Let us remember that Alison is not here to defend herself against these remarks, and now the shooter isn’t able to provide any further evidence to support the claims he made against her on social media. Let us remember the legacy that these two journalists left behind. Let us remember that families, friends, colleagues, fellow journalists, and so many more are grieving over this loss and should not have to think about the shallow, unsupported claims made by Vester Lee Flanagan II. Let us remember that despite the grief most of us feel, the conversation about gun violence should not stop here. Let us remember Alison Parker and Adam Ward.

Thanks for reading!

It has taken me far too long to do this, but as I mentioned in my first blog post, I want to dive into the responses I got from the interviews I conducted at Deaf West Theatre in Los Angeles. Before I left for the trip in November I had a basic structure of questions I knew I wanted to ask, and based on how each interview went, the questions shifted accordingly. (Also, I throw the acronym “ASL” out there a lot, and for those who don’t know, that stands for “American Sign Language.” If anyone has further questions, cultural or otherwise, please feel free to leave a comment.)

I want to start with the reason I was there; my interview with DJ Kurs, the artistic director of Deaf West Theatre. These responses are direct quotes.

Why did you think starting this theatre company was important?

• “A man named Ed Waterstreet started the company in 1991. He came from the National Theatre of the Deaf and was surprised that there was no theater company for the Deaf when moved to Los Angeles.”

Why do you think it still is important?

• “[Deaf West] offers sign language theater to an underserved audience. It is such a beautiful art form and it deserves to be seen everywhere. We are also bridging the hearing and deaf communities together with our productions.”

What role does the arts play in educating audiences about diversity?

• “I think the arts are the best way to educate the world about the Deaf community. People who know nothing about Deaf culture or sign language step into our theater and two hours later, they have learned so much about us.”

What are the strategies you use to bridge the gap between Deaf and hearing communities?

• “There is no strategy. We just present theater. Using both deaf and hearing people. They create connections in the rehearsal room, on the stage. And our audience members come together, deaf and hearing, and enjoy the same thing on so many levels. That doesn’t happen very often in the real world.”

I really loved this answer; I was expecting something much different, but what I appreciate about this is that it is so simple. “We just present theater.” Because it is true, all of these audience members from so many different backgrounds came together to watch this show, and saw and felt real connections despite the difference in communities.

What kind of Deaf issues have gotten a lot of traction the past 10-15 years that you’ve noticed?

• “… hearing people love to focus on the advent of technology (cochlear implants, for example) that correct deafness. There are so many levels to that discussion. I won’t go into them here, but I will say that deaf culture and sign language are here to stay, at least for the next 100 years.”

Did everyone catch that? “Deaf culture and sign language are here to stay.”

What issues do you think are left to be tackled by the next generation?

• “Job opportunities. Lack of exposure in the media.”

Enough said.

How can we make our theatre department/program [at James Madison University] more inclusive of the deaf community?

• “Theater audience development in the Deaf community is such a huge challenge. Because it is an art form that is so traditionally inaccessible to our community. I would begin with workshops, theater work, and do it for years upon years. Then you would begin to see the dividends. Deaf West has been doing this for 20 plus years and while we have an amazing and loyal audience, we still have so much to do in terms of reaching out to our community.”

Beyond having someone who signs, what else can we do to attract a Deaf community?

• “Learn sign language. Go out to the community and interact with them. Find ways to fit theater into their social calendar in an organic way. Find out what they like and dislike, instead of bringing in your own preconceived notions.”

—

After I interviewed DJ, I had the chance to get a short and sweet interview with Daniel Durant, the Deaf actor who plays Moritz in Spring Awakening. This show is currently being revived in Beverly Hills, and I encourage everyone who can to go out and see this show. (You can purchase tickets here: www.deafwest.org) This interview is fairly short since I caught him during the post-show chaos, but he was generous enough to sit down with me for a couple minutes so I could ask him a few burning questions.

First, I asked, “How has working on this production differed from others you’ve worked on?” He responded that “It’s different because of the music, I’ve never experienced music in a production before. I really had to focus on the music and timing of everything.” Next, I explained my battle to get ASL included as a foreign language at JMU, and asked for advice on how to accomplish this. I wanted to focus on him during this question, so I didn’t write as much as I could have, but the biggest thing he mentioned was “Let them know ASL is a real language,” and to make sure if ASL is included as a program on campus that “you can’t just have ASL alone, need Deaf culture too.” My final question to Daniel was, “What do you think is unique about working here?” He replied, “It is a BIG family, everyone has your back.” He mentioned that it was hard work, and that the company treated everything professionally and seriously. He said, “It’s not only Deaf West that follows this mentality, but all Deaf theaters.”

Being a fan of Daniel’s work on the ABC Family show, “Switched at Birth,” I am so fortunate to have spent a little time with him and seen his passion for what he does. He portrays a heartbreakingly poignant Moritz, and I love watching him perform. Also a huge shout-out to Bridget Mitchell, Daniel’s fiancée, for interpreting for us during the interview!

—

Next, I got to interview a few of the hearing cast members of Spring Awakening: Austin McKenzie (Melchior), Joey Haro (Hanschen), and Lauren Patten (Ilse).

First, I asked them how many cast members knew sign language prior to joining the show. Most of them had minor knowledge of ASL, or none at all! However, Austin had worked at a summer camp for differently abled children where there were deaf campers. He also went to Columbia College Chicago and studied in their interpreting program, which is where it all started when he took ASL as an easy foreign language credit and ended up falling in love with the language. Despite not knowing much ASL before rehearsals began, Joey mentioned that there is something “sensical about the language. It does make sense and it’s so natural.” He went on to say that sign language is “literally at our fingertips and if we can manipulate our fingertips we can communicate so much easier.”

Next, I asked “Did you feel that the ASL helped you as an actor? Why or why not?” Joey and Austin agreed that actors are always looking for something to hold onto (text, physicality), and this is just another tool to use. When discussing this, Joey mentioned, “It’s a shortcut to your center.” I want to throw in that when he said “center” he signed “soul.” Austin discussed that it no longer limits you as an actor; it’s just “another method of something to express with.” Lauren stated, “A lot of my choices were based on ASL translations and what they meant and how they felt in my body. It was a challenge as well; to make sure that doesn’t get in the way of the clarity of the signs.”

I asked, “From a hearing perspective, why do you think this show (and this company) is important? Austin kicked off responding to this question: “This show shows that there is a culture to this community, it’s not just a language; you can see this culture through the language. What makes a culture a culture is if they have a change in language. As hearing people there is so little exposure to the Deaf community, so [this show is] a way to enter this community in an inclusionary way. There’s beauty that comes from bringing these two cultures together in such a seamless way. So much of theatre is about our humanity and our own humanity. It’s extremely moving.” Joey stated it very eloquently; “The magic of Deaf theatre is that it’s art at its peak.”

I followed up by asking, “What have you taken away from this experience more than anything else?” I admit that I got caught up in everyone’s responses to this question, so I captured short quotes from the conversation. Apologies for the lack of seamlessness, but I have attached the responses as I wrote them.

Joey:

“It’s why I do art, why I’ve wanted to do this since I was a kid. It’s to push yourself to challenge yourself in order to connect more to other people.” “To share something meaningful and that it’s something to believe in.” “Connect to people and share it. And I’m reinvigorated to conquering fear.” “I was just met with endless love.” “There was no room for ego.”

Austin:

“This is the best cast in the whole world; we’re a family. Everyone who came into rehearsal the first time was scared of something.” “We were all connected through fear.”

Lauren:

“I have friends I never would have had, a language I never would have had. It really reminds me of why I do this. We can have two hours where we bring so many people together. The outside world doesn’t allow people to come together. That’s why people come to the theatre instead of watching movies because you go through this with real, breathing people.” “There is something inherent in the language that is so honest. With this language you just say what you feel without any “fluff”… it’s straight up honesty.”

I then asked what their favorite part of the show was. Austin said, “The beginning and the end. The beginning because the audience doesn’t know what’s going on. So slowly and subtly it starts. You can feel the audience shift into knowing that something is about to be real. And then the end where the audience is changed.” Joey smiled and said, “I love ‘Bitch [of Living]’. It’s the first moment of choreography where everyone is in synch, Deaf and hearing, and I always think, Wow, we just did that.” I followed up by asking what their favorite part of the process was. Joey jumped right in and said, “The fact that this was a true process. We were just allowed to explore and bring our ideas to the table, fail, fall, try, be uncomfortable. It was just thinking this is what it’s about.”

Next I asked one of the questions I had been dying to know, being a potential director: “How was working with Michael Arden? What unique perspectives did he bring to the process? Did he help you see the show in a way that was unexpected or that you hadn’t thought of before?” To those who didn’t see the show, it was beautifully directed. My dream interview is to sit down and pick Michael’s brain about this production. Talk about a clear concept. But my interview with the cast was excellent in this regard. They all mentioned the freedom he allowed, and how he has “an actor’s perspective, with an artist’s eye.” He was “always discovering, always posing questions, and how to get you to be the deepest you you can be.” I appreciated when Austin said, “He knows what it’s like to be terrified and build on that.” “Everything was personalized, even the translations; nothing was set in stone. It needed to be right for the actor; they changed the signs if it didn’t feel right.” Based on what I heard, Michael Arden was incredible to work with, and his artistic choices were raw, clear, and very powerful. I sincerely applaud his work.

My final question was a little closer to home: “Do you have any advice on how to promote inclusive theatre like this and expand the dialogue of diversity and inclusion? Particularly in predominantly hearing communities.” I’ll wrap this up with Joey’s response: “You do it. You do it wherever you can. If you have the passion, if you have the vision, you do it. It finds itself. Start small. Keep doing it. It builds and builds and builds. To people who don’t believe in this you just say, ‘Well then I’ll invite you and I’ll do it and you’ll see it.’ Expose people to it; that’s how you inform them. It’ll work; whatever you do it’ll work. Everyone who has seen this show gets it. It’ll work.”

—

I was so fortunate to have spoken to such amazing people and seen such extraordinary work created on stage. This kind of stuff is my point of entry into the world and into different cultures and communities. I believe that theatre like this can change the world and bridge these gaps and barriers we have between communities. I want to thank the entire cast and crew of Spring Awakening for being brave and so vulnerable on stage. Everything you do affects the audience in one way or another, and based on the responses to these interviews, I know you are making a difference.

I want to thank DJ Kurs, Daniel Durant, Austin McKenzie, Joey Haro, and Lauren Patten for being kind enough to share their time and thoughts with me. It was an honor to peek into your world for a little while, and I hope everyone who reads this will feel the same way.

Once again, for those who are interested (I hope all of you are), Deaf West’s Spring Awakening runs May 21-June 7, 2015 at the Wallis Annenberg Center for the Performing Arts in Beverly Hills, California. Once again, the link to purchase tickets is deafwest.org.

Thanks for reading!

I have been doing theatre since middle school, and it has always just made sense to me. It made sense that I loved it so much and I never understood why some people didn’t like it as much as I did. I love the idea of being taken on a journey…that’s what people tend to say when asked why they love theatre. They like being transported to another place and time. That’s always my standard answer if someone asks me that question, however a couple weeks ago I had a significant shift in what that statement means to me.

At the beginning of the month I saw Chekhov’s The Cherry Orchard on JMU’s MainStage and I would argue it is the best JMU production I’ve seen so far in my time here. It spoke to me on such a profound level. As I sat in the audience I questioned “Why am I so enthralled by this? Why am I enjoying this so much?” and even further, “Why do I like theatre at all?” Sitting in the audience, I think I came up with an answer. I love experiences various forms of the human condition…I love seeing how other people live, how they see the world, how they experience life. Simply stated: I love being taken on a journey…and I was during that production. The environment was so clear that I thought I was in the world with them; in the first act the action is set around two in the morning and I just remember sitting there feeling exhausted and wondering why I was up so late watching this. At the end of the act I remembered I was watching a play and it was only 9pm…

It was like a light bulb turned on in my brain; everything I have been studying until now came together and made total sense. I saw everything on stage that I have experienced in this past semester, this past year, and even the past three years. I struggled so much in my acting classes lately…nothing was really making sense to me and I never felt connected to the characters I did in my scenes. Ben Lambert, the director and my acting professor this past semester, taught a lot about environment in our class. I vaguely knew what he was talking about and thought I was emulating what he was teaching in my scenework, but until I saw Mary Kathryn Johnson (Ranyevskaya) really looking out the windows into the cherry orchard (which was staged as the fourth wall) I wasn’t truly understanding what he meant by creating the environment on stage. Even as Meg Carnahan (Anya) gazed into the sky as she sat in the orchard, I could see what she was seeing and it painted the picture of the set for me.

I also now understood that silence on stage is not a bad thing. When we act it is so easy to want to fill the silence because it seems so unnatural, but the silence in The Cherry Orchard was pregnant; it seemed totally natural and human. Silence is part of life, it’s where we think and observe our surroundings…and every moment of silence in this production was there for a reason. It just reminded me that, as an actor, don’t be afraid to just shut up every once in a while. The audience won’t get bored if you stop talking if you have a reason to. Even in moments of chaos, I locked in on the characters who were reacting silently. For example, when Ranyevskaya finds out that the cherry orchard has been sold and Lopakhin (Tyler Cramer) is monologueing about buying the orchard, I could not take my eyes off of Trofimov (Lukas Miller) as he watched Ranyevskaya react to the tragic news. I saw the show twice and both nights that moment captivated me…I never watched Tyler deliver his monologue (no offense, Tyler!) because the reaction was so honest and poignant, even though he wasn’t the major focal point of the scene.

I could rave about this show for days, so I will wrap it up. Just a couple quick shout outs to James Lex who played such a magnificent Firs; it’s so amazing to watch someone completely disappear into a character and James did a wonderful job doing that. Fabiolla Brennecke also did fabulous as Varya, and it was hard to see her heart break both nights I saw the show. Her character was so special and I could tell Fabi really put her heart into Varya, it was beautiful to watch. And a major shout out just to the entire cast; it was so clear everyone put so much research, work, emotion, and vulnerability into this show and it really paid off. It’s hard not to mention everyone by name, but everyone did such a phenomenal job. You really showed the audience what theatre is all about and should be very proud of what you created.

Now, I feel like I have wasted time all semester in my acting class simply scratching the surface. My final scene I worked on as my final for Intermediate Acting is the first time I have connected and everything felt so…easy. It was simple, it was honest, it was exploratory, and it was fun! I now have this excitement for life that I have been lacking this past semester. I have so many things to focus on, to explore, to learn…and I cannot wait to encounter more of myself in the coming months.

(Friends reference, anyone?)

It has been a long time since I have posted something on this blog. Honestly, I’ve tried to write about a dozen posts and gave up…sometimes before even typing anything at all. But I’m finally feeling brave enough to encounter myself and all I have learned during this semester…it’s been a hell of a ride.

As many of you know, my production of Tribes was cancelled. I couldn’t even bring myself to post here when it happened, despite my constant updates on how the process was going. Honestly, it would have been an emotional mess of a post. I would have spewed my hurt and sadness and anger all over the page and it wouldn’t have done anyone any good, including me. That doesn’t mean I don’t still feel those things, because I do. They come in waves; sometimes the really small ones that tickle your ankles that you can step out of easily and other times the monumental ones that topple you over and pull you down into the water so you can’t breathe. The latter have gotten much fewer and far between, fortunately. The hope is starting to shine through the disappointment.

So, I should get into what happened. People still ask me about it, and I’m sure everyone is still curious as to why I pulled Tribes from JMU’s studio theatre season. The last thing I posted here was that I was moving forward with the production; I had written an addendum to allow the casting of a Deaf actor in my show. Well, not terribly long after I had sent out a nationwide casting call, I received an email from a young man who was eager to play the role of Billy in the show. He was very talented, and his audition reflected it. It didn’t take me long to officially cast him. He is fully Deaf, so I made the choice to shadow cast Billy’s character; the Deaf actor would be the primary actor, but a hearing actor would shadow him and speak his lines that would be signed. Both actors would be in each scene together (barring some stylistic choices in specific scenes) and would not interfere with the integrity of the production. I wanted to model these choices after what I had seen in November at Deaf West, with two actors, Deaf and hearing, portraying the same role as one.

Once he was cast we had everything squared away (dates of arrival, lodging, transportation, etc.) minus one small detail. Interpreters. I was told that I needed to find funding myself for interpreters for my rehearsals so I went scrambling to find what I could. I spoke with Office of Disability Services, however, because my actor was not a JMU student, they could not help me. I tried pro-bono interpreting services, but because rehearsals were so often and so long, they couldn’t help. Interpreters can cost anywhere from $42-50 an hour, respectively, and I would have needed them 5-6 days a week for roughly 4-6 hours per day. There was no way I could raise that kind of money in a matter of days. Auditions were about a week away at that point, and I don’t blame my actor for pulling out of the show. It isn’t fair to ask a Deaf person to try communicate without an interpreter in a room full of hearing people night after night. So at that point I was left without an actor for the lead role and no way to teach my cast the ASL used in the production.

Which brings me to another part of the Tribes saga. The person I had found to act as our ASL Master for the production sent me a long letter of resignation in the final days of the production process. This letter was a lot of the reason why I was so emotional in the conclusion of the production, but it also ended up teaching me a lot. The letter came out of nowhere and pointed a lot of fingers at me for not doing the play justice, and accused me of directing the play as a means of personal gain.

The letter hurt me more than words could say. Honestly, it still does. I was told I was not a true member of the Deaf community and shouldn’t be using Tribes as a way to open my university’s eyes to Deaf culture when I’m not a member of the community myself. However, that is one of the harsh realities I learned during this process. No, I am not a member of the Deaf community. I consider myself an ally, but sometimes even that is a fine line. I have learned not to assume the responsibility of “being the change” to a community I am not a part of. All I can do is be a vessel if needed, then step out of the way.

After my actor and my ASL master quit, I had a choice to make. I could do the show anyways, with a hearing actor in the Deaf role. Or, I could pull the show all together. Obviously I chose the latter. In full disclosure, I still wonder whether that was the right decision. I’ve had plenty of people tell me I should have done it anyways, and I’ve heard plenty of arguments from both sides on whether or not it is right to produce a show without casting a Deaf actor in a role that was written for him. I stuck to my guns and pulled the show because I wanted to do justice to the play and I wasn’t going to be able to do that with a hearing actor. Even so, pulling the show was probably the hardest thing I’ve done in my college career.

I honestly appreciate all of the criticism I received while working on this play. As a young, growing theatre artist, criticism fueled my excitement to learn and constantly revealed how much I love this play. Despite the heartbreak I faced, I still love Tribes and hope that someday I will get the chance to work on the show in whatever capacity. The wise and talented Jacqueline Lawton advised me to use this post as my “love letter to this play.” After everything that I went through it was hard for me to even pick up the script again. But looking back, I know fought as hard as I could have and exhausted myself emotionally during the process because I am in love with this beautiful piece of theatre that Nina Raine has put together. I want to challenge every theatre in the country to produce this play. The story deserves to be told, and I know that every single production team that produces this work will learn so much that they didn’t know before…I certainly did.

I truly believe that JMU tried to be inclusive in regards to Tribes. But the first thing I learned when the show failed was that being inclusive is hard, no matter how good the intentions.

Around the same time Tribes was cancelled, I found out that the online ASL class I was enrolled in was also cancelled. I now had no means of studying Deaf culture/ASL for the semester; I reached the highest level of ASL classes available to me at Blue Ridge Community College. A lot of the time I imagine the eye rolls of my peers here at JMU whenever I include something Deaf/ASL-related into my curriculum. For example, I did my production response assignment to Bent in sign language. I used Children of a Lesser God as my example of great acting in my acting class. The first thing I thought when my theatre history professor said “you can pick whatever topic you want to do your Living Histories Project on” my first thought was “Deaf theatre.” I yearn for that education in what I am so passionate about. Which is why I came very close to transferring out of JMU next semester. I was accepted to Columbia College Chicago’s ASL/Interpreting program and was in the process of applying to Gallaudet University’s interpreting program. If both schools were not so expensive, I probably would still be debating whether or not to transfer. This semester took a heavy toll on me and made me question what I’m doing and what I want to get out of my education. After a lot of thinking, researching, arguing, crying, and deliberating I have decided to finish my senior year at JMU. Despite the difficulty it took me to make that decision, I am happy with my choice and I will be proud to graduate as a JMU Duke. I still have a lot to learn here and look forward to the adventures that await me in my final year as an undergraduate.

I want to thank everyone who gave me the courage to keep moving forward. And a huge shoutout to those who helped me through the Tribes process (before, during, and after). Your support and love means more than I can express…thank you for having my back. I also want to give a shoutout to the entire Bent production team; I was very wary of watching the show that replaced Tribes in the studio season, but I felt immense pride during the curtain call because there couldn’t have been a better show to fill that slot. The final shoutout goes to everyone who taught me something during Tribes. Deaf and hearing alike, I learned so much from all of your unique perspectives and opinions. I appreciate your dedication to your sense of self, your identities, your beliefs, your creative suggestions, and your points of entry into this production. Everyone who offered me advice about this production taught me something new and different and exciting. I am so glad that I can say I walked away from this experience with a new perspective and knowledge I didn’t have before I started.

Til next time,

KRG

After so much worrying, I am pleased to say that I will officially be directing Tribes in the spring!

I submitted my addendum this past week asking the theatre faculty to allow an exception to the rule requiring casting JMU students only, so that I may find a Deaf actor to play Billy in my show.

You can see my addendum below; I have attached it so that everyone can see why it is so important to me to proceed with a Deaf actor. If there is anyone who is Deaf/HOH interested in auditioning for Tribes, please see the previous post concerning the casting call! Thank you so much for everyone’s support throughout this process. I want to give a special shoutout to Mike Sprouse who has been so supportive and helpful in the past few weeks. I am so excited that he is my ASL master for this production! I can’t wait for auditions!

Tribes Addendum

After doing a lot of research, thinking, and discussing Tribes with members of the faculty, I would like to ask permission to cast a non-JMU student in the role of Billy in my production. Billy is the play’s central character, the one whose deafness is a metaphor for all of the challenges with communication, who cannot find where he fits in among many different tribes. My research into Tribes’ production history and communication with Deaf friends reiterated how incredibly important this play is to the Deaf community. Many people believe that it is essential to cast Deaf actors in Deaf roles, because otherwise there is a lack of authentic representation and often misinterpretation of the character. My contacts and friends in the Deaf community have encouraged me to explore more casting possibilities so as to do the play, as well as the identities and ideas in the script, justice.

With your permission, I would like to look for a Deaf or hard of hearing actor outside of JMU. However, I still plan on casting a hearing Billy from our department who will serve as an understudy. He will perform one show and will have a chance of learning directly from someone in the Deaf community that he will be representing. Bringing in an expert from the Deaf community will positively affect the entire production; he will not be brought in simply for authenticity, but will contribute to the learning experience of everyone in the cast and the crew. We, as a cast and as a department, will get a glimpse into a different facet of theatre not otherwise seen at JMU. Getting to work with a Deaf actor will provide new perspectives into a culture that we don’t often consider, especially in regards to theatre. After my experience visiting Deaf West Theatre in LA I know there is a lot to be learned from this community of theatre artists; the way they approach the text, the characters they portray, the way cues are called, the way designs are rendered are all things that we, as a hearing department, do not understand yet. This opportunity will offer awareness to many and may strike a fire in someone who sees the passion in this community as much as I do. In Deaf theatre, every design element is considered very specifically because the actors are Deaf; this is how bringing in an expert on that community can aid actors and designers alike. Bringing in a Deaf actor will not take away an experience from anyone, it can only add to his or her experiences and make everyone more well-rounded theatre artists.

I have now come to the personal realization that I am genuinely uncomfortable with casting a hearing actor in this role; by doing this I would be communicating a lack of cultural sensitivity, which would be detrimental to the goals of my production and any future success of incorporating this community into our department. It is my hope that the faculty will support this exception to the policy and allow me to cast a non-JMU student in the role of Billy. Doing so will provide a fascinating and productive opportunity for JMU, and for the School of Theatre and Dance, and will offer some diversity otherwise not available to our students. This choice is aimed at increasing the quality of the production, igniting fires and ultimately elevating the cultural conversation within the department.

Thank you so much for taking the time out of your busy schedules to consider what I have to say. I sincerely appreciate your support!

I wanted to share with everyone an update on my continuing conflict with directing Tribes at James Madison University this coming spring. Please see my previous posts for more information.

I have continued to receive negative feedback from the Deaf community about using a hearing actor in a Deaf role. Before Thanksgiving break began I put out a casting call searching for Deaf/Hard of Hearing actors who would be willing to come to JMU to be the role of ‘Billy’ in my production. The deadline to make a decision is fast approaching and I have no one interested in this role. The person who agreed to come out here to be the ASL master will not come out if there is not a Deaf actor in the role. If he does not come, I must drop the show.

I hope you understand the emotional struggle this has caused me. This is my favorite show, and it is a show I know JMU needs to see. Also, if I drop the show, it very well will be the last chance I have to direct at JMU again. It will break my heart if I have to drop it. If you have any ideas on what I should do, I welcome them. Or if you are a Deaf/HH actor who is interested in helping me out, please contact me. Please email me, gilchrkr@dukes.jmu.edu, if you would like to discuss my options. The deadline for a decision is Wednesday, December 3^rd.