if i could i would…

…Play the guitar
…Play the bass
…Take vocal lessons
…Write songs
…Start a band
…Go on tour
…Learn what I can about the music industry
…Be a photographer
…Continue my photo series project
…Start my podcast
…Finish my personal narrative project
…Submit my piece to publications
…Take a UCLA online class on writing

I started this post by making a list of all the things I wish I could accomplish to start becoming the person I want to be (if you remember, I wrote about my desire to do that in my previous post). I wasn’t sure what I was writing, because I haven’t felt very connected to my creative mind lately. But as I wrote I realized that this list is actually pretty achievable.

I was reading an op-ed in the NY Times recently that discussed the reasons people don’t have hobbies. The main point the author made was that people don’t pursue new things is because they are afraid of being bad at them. I often feel that this is why I don’t just head to an open mic and sing just because I love to sing; it’s because I’m terrified of being horrible at it. And I don’t want others to judge me and my hobby. So instead, I stick to singing in my car and when people ask if I sing I give them a hard “no.”

A friend of mine has been inspiring me lately to just start pursuing music if I want to, because that’s exactly what she did. And, not to compare, but she just got back from her band, Blushh’s, first tour. She is still learning about the music industry and how to play guitar, but that’s not stopping her from pursuing what she loves.

I’ve been pouty lately because I’ve felt like my creativity is gone. However, if I really think about it, maybe my creativity isn’t gone, but my drive is. I can’t become who I want to be by snapping my fingers. I have to work at it. And I won’t be perfect right away. Hell, I’m sure I’ll never be perfect at it, and maybe I won’t even be good at it. But I have to at least try, because not trying sounds miserable to me. So I’ll let this post serve as a reminder to myself that I can achieve my goals and explore my creativity in new and different ways, without having the expectation that I have to be perfect at everything I try.

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