I let it slip
the darkness won
took over for a few minutes
and that was it
Falling
grasping at the empty air
needing something to hold onto
everything felt too far away
The darkness enveloped me
until i found some small part of me
that had the strength to claw my way
back towards the light
Maybe i won’t have to free fall into the unknown
maybe someone or something will be below
To catch me
Last night I didn’t think it would stop
This morning I can’t imagine it starting again
I felt you escaping
Climbing out of my throat
As I heaved and spat
Eyes watering
Or was I crying?
This was the last part of you
Working its way back
Into the light
And I became hollow
Not feeling you beat
Against my rib cage
To remind me that you were there
Can I still exist among the
Empty spaces you left behind?
I remember the day I realized I loved you
It was the day you told me you didn’t love me
And I felt something crack beneath my breasts
Whatever was fueling my fire
Suddenly doused
My chest smoked
Will it be singed forever?
I remember begging it not to be eternal
How could I possibly keep going
Knowing you are out there
Just existing
he doesn’t know if he can help me
and yet i see him creating worthwhile things every day
he is the inspiration
him and his strange vocal influence
hunched over his work
bursting to create something
to impact the world
-for DS
i heard a woman arguing with a man as i walked past their apartment,
balcony door open as if inviting the strangers on the street into the quarrel,
leaving it up to us to take sides as we silently, privately craned to listen in,
the man shouting louder than she, his vocal wavelengths overpowering hers,
the leaves on the trees outside bristled, as if personally involved
the night scratched at my back as i clunked along
bearing the weight of the day on my already slumped shoulders.
i don’t need to listen to know, i’m taking her side
My words cry as I write them
Why can’t my eyes
i’ve forgotten how many freckles
you have on the bridge of your nose
my god has it been that long?
what about the flecks of green in your eyes?
or the way your hair curls at the ends
without you having to try
things i never thought would slip away
have faded from memory
and i am calling to them
desperate for them to return to me
what must it feel like
to hold life in your hands?
how tangible does it feel?
knowing you are responsible
for the next day in someone’s existence,
to whether they will have the chance
to blink their eyes
to laugh until they cry
to reach out and touch
to weep until the pain fades
is it earth-shatteringly terrifying?
or is it a beautiful opportunity?
did you ever sit on the edge of a cliff overlooking the ocean and think
what if the sea didn’t want to put on a show for us
it’s just trying to do it’s job, to ebb and flow, and we gaze at it
expecting so much beauty and calm
what if the sea was full of rage that it couldn’t express
because it needed to be calm for you
putting down the rope 